When, When My God... When? [Chapter 1B]

Stories By Rutendo Nzira : After a week, amai havana kuchinja vaitoita worse, teacher vakazviona kuti ndange ndongogara ndakasuruvara.  P...

Stories By Rutendo Nzira: After a week, amai havana kuchinja vaitoita worse, teacher vakazviona kuti ndange ndongogara ndakasuruvara. 

Pandakataura navo Mr Rukweza vakandiperekedza kumba kwedu, vakangosvika vachiti amai vapinde mumota tiende kuMission kwaMusiso kuchipatara. Sekuru vakati vange vasina mari yekundobhadhara, uye vaiziva chivanhu chainetsa amai, saka vaizozvifambira. Asi teacher vakati vaizobhadharira amai mari yese yaidiwa kuchipatara, saka vakati tiende tese tindonzwa kuti maSwiss Doctors ekuMission aizoti chii.

Sekuru nateacher ndovakatsanangurirwa zvainzwa amai, chakandishamisa hapana mushonga wekurapa kana wekupedza chirwere wavakapiwa, she just received strong pain killers. It helped a lot nekuti vakakwanisa kurarawo vasingagomeri. Ndakabva ndasara navo, I failed to leave my mother alone, pane kuvhunduka kwandange ndave nako since the day randakawana vachirapwa nambuya Godobori, ndopandakaona kuti urwere hwange hwakomba. Manesi akandibvumidza kurara pasi, padivi pemubhedha wamai usiku uhwu.

When, When My God... When? [Chapter 1B]

Pave pakati peusiku ndakanzwa “Grace …… Nyasha mwanangu….” Ndakange ndakarara but my body, mind and soul was very much alert to my mother’s needs, that’s why I was available for her. Ndakamuka ndokuvabata ruoko, “Zvapera mwanangu, zvakwana ndave kuenda.” Ndakaramba ndakaterera ndichiedza to make sense of it.
“Wave kusara wega, ndakumbira kunaMwari kuti vave newe, vakunyaradze. Mwana wangu nyika yakaoma. Paunopererwa, paunoita sarudzo muupenyu, sarudza kuita zvinofadza Mwari.” Vakabva vasekerera, grip yavaive nayo paruoko rwangu ndakanzwa ichipera, she gasped and went still. Kunenge ndokwaive kufa kwacho. Kutya kuya kwakange kwambondibata a week ago kwakaita kundikwidibira kuti dhuma. I was overtaken by fear zvekuti I almost collapsed. Ndakaita chiveve muviri wese nekutya, fear of the unknown.
“amai, mai Gire….. mhai….. amai vangu ….. ” ndakavazunza, I tried mouth to mouth resuscitation. She was not going to die. Ndigodii? Ndigorarama sei? Zvandakange ndoita zvange zvave nezhowe zhowe yakamutsa vamwe varwere nekudaidzawo the nurses on duty. Vakauya and I was hoping for change but Mwari vange vatotonga, my mother was gone. Mai Gire was no more.

Vakavavhara maziso nekuvarongedza for mortuary. Unosekerera so, nyika ichitenderera, ndaipindwa nechando chekutya. I was questioning God, why didn’t Mwari wait kuti ndipedze chikoro, ndiitewo qualification, vandisiyewo ndave pari nane. Ndaizovatengerawo coffin, pain yangu yovharika ndichiisawo maruva netombstone rainyorwa zviri pamoyo pangu. Apa ndaizogara ndega on our 2 round huts with all the loneliness and the painful memories of my sweet mother. Kwakaedza ndakagara pfungwa dzichigayana, I was having a long list of problems in my life but no solution at all. The nurses and nuns were very nice, vaindinyaradza, even vamwewo vaive muWard imomo vaitaura mashoko enyaradzo asi aingove maungira kwandiri.

After my mother’s burial, ndakazosara ndega, comfort and distraction yevanhu vekuchechi, vemuraini nestream yese yeForm 3 and school staff yakazopera. Ndikasara ndiri by one, one ari ega. 

Ndaitya, kwete kutya kugara ndega pamba pedu, asi kutya upenyu, fear of the unknown bad things that were waiting for me in the near future, kutya kuve ndega pasina ane hanya neni. Some suicidal thoughts kept coming back to me, asi amai vakange vati, “Paunopererwa, paunoita sarudzo muupenyu, sarudza kuita zvinofadza Mwari.” Kuzviuraya kwaisafadza Mwari zvachose, saka that was the only reason why I did not kill myself. And it is said ukazviuraya haupinde denga zvachose, it’s an unforgivable sin. I also wanted to meet my faithfully departed parents, who I believed were in Heaven.

Ndakandopedzisa 3rd term yeForm 3. Ndaigara ndiri serious, ndichivhunduka vhunduka, ndakange ndisisina reason yekuseka, mwoyo wangu, mweya nenyama yangu were in critical sadness, grief and misery. Pese paitaurwa about mothers ndaieredza misodzi, I lost control of my emotions. Pandaipinda mumba I’d close the door and cry till misodzi yaoma from wherever kwainobva. Sekuru vakange vati ndizogara kumba kwavo asi ndakavaudza kuti I was ok ndega, after all we were in the same yard. I wanted to mourn my mother till ndasvika pakujaira nekuzvinyaradza. I was hoping against hope that maybe I was in a nightmare my mother would walk in tikadzokera paupenyu hwedu hwakare.

I lost weight nekuchema nekusadya. Pahama dzangu hapana akaita basa nazvo kuti I needed extra love and support and even bereavement counseling to get over my loss.

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