Stories By Lovely Rutendo Nzira : 15 years in marriage, ndange ndoziva murume in and out. Ndakaroorwa ndine 20years, Dan was 25years achang...
Stories By Lovely Rutendo Nzira: 15 years in marriage, ndange ndoziva murume in and out. Ndakaroorwa ndine 20years, Dan was 25years achangopedza training kuTeachers’ College.
Akauya akagadzirira roora zvekuti vana amai nanatete vakadada neni, vana baba vakagutsikana. Amai vakange vamboti ndichiri mudiki for marriage but pavakaona kuti Dan aive serious vakazotsigirawo. Akabva andiendesawo kuTeachers’ College. Takave maticha tese, Dan aidzidzisa Physics, ini ndiri ticha we Food and Nutrition. Now 15yrs down the line, marriage yedu yange yapera paint, yapera muto, an over-chewed gum, risisina taste. Taive nevana vaviri vaive kuBoading School. The best schools we could get in Zimbabwe. Dan junior aive kuChishawasha Boys High School form 1, our first born Fadzai ari form 4, kuGweru Regina Mundi. Dan never missed a single visit for both of them. Vana vachowo vaipa a long shopping list kuna daddy and yaitevedzwa to the dot, unlike mummy who would ask why do you need this or that. We were a happy family.
Takachengeta mari tese, tikatora zvikwereti tese, Dan akasiya teaching tikatanga a number of transport businesses; driving school, car dealing uye makombi aifamba Budiriro 1 and 2. Takavaka our unnecessarily big 6 bedroomed house in Belvedere. Kana inini ndakasiyawo teaching yacho kuti ndidye mari ndiri kumba.
Zvakatanga zvichinakidza, getting all the fine things in life, trips to China, Japan ndichiperekedza Dan kuBusiness and then Dubai and France kundotenga fashion yangu, and holiday nevana vedu to Malaysia, buying a dress or having a hairstyle only meant for that particular occasion, ah vanhu woye, who would not want that? I was a happily married Mrs Stella Mukonoweshuro, the envy of all women.
Ndichiunzira hama dzedu dzese mapresents, ndiri muroora uya ane lucky rekuwirirana navamwene vake nanatete vake, mhuri dzedu was just one, we did not have any in-law issues, vaive vanamai vedu vese nanababa vedu vese kwatiri tese, no its-your-parents-not-mine issues. Taivaitira zvakafanana, I never felt burdened or threatened nambuya Mukono, she affectionately called me “mai Mukonoweshuro” because she had now graduated to “mbuya Mukonoweshuro”, she was a super grandma. Vana tete vangu hanzvadzi dzaDan vainge vanin’ina vangu, we loved and respected each other. Someone once told me kuti kana usina problems nema in-laws your marriage will not last, imi muri two hapana love…. Now I agree.
Kuwanda kwemari zvese zvinowanda, so takatanga kurwa zvisingaperi. Matrips aye ndakange ndave kusiiwa. During school holidays Dan aigona kuenda nevana chete, kana vari kuchikoro aienda ega. Kuti aienda ega here? Aive nevasikana vake vekuenda navo. SaFood and Nutrition teacher ndaingofarira zvechikafu, ndakati ndiwane zvekuita and joined fast courses dzeCooking and Catering, and a bit of interior décor. Ndakaita Quantity Catering yese zvayo, kubikira large number of people, michato, maparty, magraduations, food yemaparty evana, and baking wedding cakes. Ndaingoitawo zvangu to get certificates but it was my talent, my passion.
Ndaifarira art yese yechikafu, ndaiita experiments nechikafu ndichigadzira marecipe. Shamwari dzangu dzaindidaidza kuzobika kana vane vaenzi kana maparty, ndaibuda shudu pese zvangu hahahaha. People would ask for more. Kana pandainyanya kuve ndega ndaiita “girls’ dinner” mumba medu and call my friends and try my new concortions, todya nekunwa and I would forget that I am the rejected wife.
I was always in denial kuti Dan ane girlfriends, till vazotukana nemunin’ina wangu Mandy ndiripo akamuudza the several occasions dzavaisangana ane suspicious women, but my sister ainyarara to protect me. Kubva ipapo ndakatangawo kuzvitsvaga, ndainhuwidza hembe dzake, search his car, check his phone. Pachokwadiwo ukatsvaga makudo mugomo unowana ari tii. Aiuya achinhuwa female scent, ane lipstick pahembe dzake. Macondoms ndaimawana again, used and new in his car, jewelry, tuma earings mumota, sometimes mahandbags chaiwo, mamessage muphone make, explicit images. It was heartbreaking.
Pandaimubvunza ainyarara, ndaigopopota for hours, ndichimuudzirira zvandaida nezvandaifunga kuti zvinoita andinzwisise, andidewo veduwe, asi zvaiita kuti abude abva aenda zvachose, leaving me in a worse state, further broken and suicidal.
Kurwa kwakazonyanya, and tichirwira zvese zvese. Takatanga kurwira kuti waswerepi? Wakararepi? Wange unani? Uchiitei? Tikaenda pakurwira hama dzedu, even vana chaivo. Takazonyanya kurwira mari nekuti Dan ange onyenga, zvembiri zviya zvaindinyadzisa. Ndakange ndisingachada kutaura kuti ndinonzi Mrs Stella Mukono, vanhu vaibva vangoti munoziva Mukono wemaDriving Schools nemaCombi here? Bro Dan wemahwindi. Kana pandaiti ndini mukadzi wake vainyarara, asi pandaiti handimuzivi vaiwondomoka kutaura; ah baba vanohura vaye, and vanoflusher mari, ane mukadzi here, anotetena finance seane tetanus …… Zvaindisvota. Nickname yake kuvasikana vekumaCollege ainzi Chiky (for Chikwama).
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| Saving My Marriage [Part 1] |
Chihure chake ange asingachavanzi manje, he would call or answer calls in my presence, zvimwe zvinhu sooo ka, imagine your husband achiti “Babe can’t wait to be between your legs over and over again,” uripo uchizvinzwa, iwe uchigara naye asingakubate, asingakuone. Ange ave kuita seanopfuura nepamba, not really staying there. Ndo divorce number one, yekuti muri vaviri you cannot stand each other. Tainge varume tese mumba, ndakatanga ndichiteverera, kufamba ndakapfeka mini or see through mumba, aibva aseka kuti ndafanana nerekuma Avenues, zvaindirwadza. Ndakazosiyana nazvo ndikavhara makumbo angu, muviri unoda murume kana unaye murume wacho, kana pasina unongotambawo iri kurira.
Ndakamboedza kutaura naye, kutaura nema brothers ake, vana sekuru vake, vana bamunini vake kuti tisiyane zvedu but aivaudza kuti ndini mukadzi wake hapana kwandinoenda. Akazoudza tete vangu kuti vandiudze kuti ndofanira kukanganwa nezvedivorce, takakura tese kubvira paupwere, tikavaka business tese, vabereki vedu vaizivana, we had two beautiful kids together and most importantly we depended on each other pabusiness nekuti takange taritanga tese from an idea to reality, from one car, to the seven kombies zvichienda, yaive legacy yevana vedu, yemhuri dzedu and it was a reason to stay in the marriage.
Aizoti adzoka zvake otaura statements like; “What’s your problem inga uri muMansion mako? Siyana nezvisinei newe? What I do out there has nothing to do with you or our marriage. You are the queen of this home no one will take that away from you. Usaputsa imba yako nekuda kwezvisingasvike pano.” Zvaindiwedzera hasha asi ndakashaya chekuita nazvo, pavanhu vekunze nehama dzedu hapana aiona kuti ndoaive magariro edu.
Funny enough tichirarama saizvozvo, Dan trusted me, mari dzese dzebusiness ndini ndaibata, vashandi vese vaisarenda mari kwandiri. Dan would not ask kuti ndiyo yese here, ndaimupa yandinoda ndoshandisa yandinoda.
Ini ndaingotaurawo zvangu about divorce asi ndaisada kusiyana naDan, its cold out there, ask the single ladies hahahaha. Asi ndaifanira kuwana nzira yekuchengetedza imba yangu, so Dan paakaudza tete vangu zvaaifunga about our marriage, ndakaita kuzorora. The greatest relief I have ever had. Pandaitaura nehama dzake ndichiti ndoda divorce, kwaive kutya kutangirwa, ndaida kuziva kuti maanofamba umu hapana waari kuronga naye kunditiza here, hapana vana here vandinozoona vauya pano ndikaita heart attack. Kusada kwake kuti tirambane kwakandipa zororo.
Another thing, we had drifted apart so much that I feared he would find love somewhere, nekuti he was always peaceful and happy, ange asina stress ye rejection like myself. Zvichireva kuti ane waaida aimupedza hasha, aimupa rufaro rwechokwadi nerudo zvakange zvisipo patiri. Ndairwadziwa neshanje kuti handichina murume ini. Asi kushaya respect kwake neni kwakaramba kuchindipa hasha nekundiuraya mukati.
Ndakazosvika pakusemburwa naye zvekuti ndakapera rudo. Asi takadaro hapana aida divorce, we had a lot of important things at stake, taizoruza tese and vana vedu taivada. Dan aindisvota zvake but he was the world’s best father, dai vana vainzi vasarudze between myself and him zvaitonetsa wena, kana neni ndaivanzwisisa, he was a hands-on dad. So that was another reason we would not dare break up.
My relationship with my husband was now sour grapes. Takange tave kusvotana, ndaisabvunza kuti Dan aswerepi and neither did he. Mumba mumwe nemumwe ange ave nebedroom rake, taitaura only when necessary, no kutukana, no shanje chigarisano chete chete. We did not agree on anything, even the simplest things like what time to leave town and visit mwana kuchikoro, or worse still mamiriro ekunze chaiwo, kana iye achitonhorwa ini ndaitotsva.
Ndakatanga kungonyara nezvandaive, kugeza kwakave kushoma, ndakagera musoro, I felt less of a woman. I blamed myself for pushing Dan away, but how? Haana zvaaitaura that I did wrong for him to be that cold to me. Being rejected naDan took a serious toll on me, I asked myself lots of questions, was I that ugly? I spent hours on the mirror ndichida kuona kushata kwangu. I started avoiding people, my friends, my family. Kana iri weekend ndakange ndisingatobvisi pulling socks randairara naro mumusoro, kuchechi ndakarega kuenda, so pandaipinda mumba on Friday afternoon ndaizobuda Monday morning, ndopandaizogeza ndopfeka tracksuit ne t-shirt ndoenda kuoffice in town, hahahahaha that was poor me veduwee.
This story was originally published by Stories By Lovely Rutendo Nzira and was used with her permission.
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